Co-dependency

What is co-dependency? It is not just about alcoholism or drug addiction, but can be associated with any addictive disorder.  It is suggested it begins with dysfunctional family systems.  When both parents have healthy self-esteem, happy and comfortable in themselves and can take care of their own individual needs; then they are functional and have more to offer their children.

However, many relationships come together seeking “the other half”.  In this instance the parents are still trying to fulfil their own childhood needs through each other, and if that is unsuccessful, then they will often unconsciously try through their children.  Healthy Boundaries are challenging in dysfunctional family systems.

Children will adapt themselves to the family system.  Examples of common roles within a dysfunctional family are: the hero -super-achiever, the lost child – alone to escape, the enabler/caretaker -keep the family together at all costs, the mascot – comedian, and the scapegoat -acts out unexpressed conflicts.  Of course, you can choose to play any archetype.

Abuse can occur overtly or convertly, and disempower or empower.  Some characteristics of co-dependants are: issues of self-esteem, boundary, reality, dependency and moderation.  Entrapment can occur via distorted reality.  If any of this is calling out to you, maybe it is time to “set yourself free”.

Distorted thinking patterns such as: blaming, justifying, analysing, excuse-making, super-optimism, redefining, vagueness, assuming, minimising, grandiosity, ingratiating, dishonesty, and victim playing.  As a child we can learn to unconsciously take on the feelings of others. Then the feelings expressed can often be over the top, such as hysteria, panic, hopelessness, isolation, rage, immobility, greedy or worthlessness.

You no longer need co-dendency, “set yourself free” and allow yourself to have healthy boundaries.  You are no longer the child.  You are now the adult who can choose to heal and grow.  What is stopping you?  Choose to be functional.  Claim your health boundaries.  Be conscious of who you are.  Need assistance, ask.

Highly recommend: Set yourself free by Shirley Smith PhD; and Beyond Co-dependency by Melody Beattie