Set yourself free – book review

I first came across this book in the 90s.  Shirley Smith PhD with Shelley Neller are the authors of this eye-opening book.  It takes you on a journey to discovery where you may be limiting yourself, or allowing others to limit you.

In Chapter 1 you are challenged to find freedom.

In Chapter 2 you find out who you really are, via exploring your families functional or dysfunctional system.  As a child you may have taken on a role, and you may have experience different levels of abuse.  If so, these lead to characteristics of co-dependence, such as issues of self-esteem, boundaries, reality, dependency and moderation.

In Chapter 3 you look at your possible 13 patterns of distorted reality, and how often to escape into the illusion of freedom, addictions are created.  “Addiction is a process and a symptom of spiritual bankruptcy”.

In Chapter 4 you explore the relationship addiction, including romance, sex and hanging on to relationships.  The cycle of addition in relationships can move from preoccupation, ritualisation, complusive relationship behaviour and then despair.

In Chapter 5 you can start the journey of knowing and healing the self.  It is based on fear based needs, wants that give a sense of wellbeing and desires that ignite passion.  Healing occurs when you can connect with your inner family.  (www.sharonmcl.com uses these processes to assist clients and students)

Chapter 6 is all about balance.  It’s about changing your negative thoughts and beliefs; creating a bridge for your future; and embracing your fears.  Creating balance through meditation and spiritual recovery.

Chapter 7 focuses on the art of surrender.  The 12 step program for addiction.  1. Admit powerless over ….. and life has become unmanageable.  2.  Come to believe in a power greater than the self can restore sanity.  3. Decision to turn will and life up to a higher power (God or Universe).  4. Searching fearless for moral inventory.  5. Admit to higher power to self and other wrongs.  6. Ready for a higher power to remove defects of character.  7. Humbly ask the higher power to remove shortcomings.  8. List of persons harmed and become willing to make amends.  9. Direct mends wherever possible, except where injury.  10. Continue personal inventory, admit to wrongs.  11. Prayer or meditation to connect to the higher power.  12.  Spiritual awakening as a result of these steps.  If needed seek support.

Chapter 8 is about Healthy Relationships through identifying needs, wants and desires; and deciding what you are willing to do.  It also suggests closing the old and creating healthy boundaries, with 7 steps.  1. Picture the relationship you want.  2. Consider steps to forming a healthy relationship.  3. Look at control and cooperation.  4. Boundaries.  5. Balance,  6. Recognise mistakes as opportunities for new creations.  7. Look at the bigger picture – past, present and future.  Look at inner family meetings.

Chapter 9 is about forgiveness, moving through recovery, re-parenting yourself , grieve loss and recovery stages (denial, blame, accountability, surviourship and integration.  Remember forgiveness expands your capacity to love.

Worth the read, and a great resource book.